isn’t that incredibly exciting??

so now that everything is officially out in the open, let me recap last week for those of you out of the loop in a short almost short play play.

(the scene begins inside shannon’s car)
shannon: grrrrrrr.
kyle: i don’t really have a lease.
shannon: qua?
kyle: let’s move.
shannon: okay! but how will we afford it?
kyle: let’s call jj!
shannon: okay!
(kyle pulls out his cell phone and calls jj)
jj: hello?
kyle: want to live with us?
jj: sure!
kyle: fabulous.

(the scene switches to kyle’s work the next day)
kyle: i like this one.
shannon: me too
kyle: jj?
jj: i love it.
kyle: fabulous let’s call them.
shannon and jj: okay!

(the scene switches to woodlawn street)
shannon, jj, and kyle: wow this is pretty! let’s live here!
donato: this is the apartment.
shannon, jj, and kyle: wow this is pretty!

(the scene switches to another apartment)
landlord: this is the apartment.
shannon: quaint.
jj: nice pullstring lights.
kyle (aside): this is grotsky.

(the scene switches to outside the second apartment)
kyle: wow that’s gross. let’s call donato.
shannon and jj: okay!
jj: donato?
donato: yes?
jj: we want your apartment!

(the scene switches back at donato’s place)
shannon, jj, and kyle: *sign lease* hooray!
donato: yay!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1134641/

i’d like that.

How To Tell How Gay Your Gay Son Is

Your children are gay, you have always known it! But how can you prove it for sure? Behold Giblets’s Guide to Proving Your Son Is Gay! These are can’t-fail tests that should have you diagnosing deviant offspring as early as age 5. There’s no use bothering with your daughter; she’s stuck as a girl as it is.

• Casually ask your son at dinner, “So, ever have sex with a woman?” If he appears uncomfortable, he’s gay. Non-gays like sex with women.
• Place two photographs in front of your son lying face down. On the left place a photograph of Tom Welling, TV’s gay Superman; on the right place the stern but genial visage of James Dobson. Flip them over simultaneously. Which does your son look at first? If he looks at Tom Welling, he is gay. If he looks at James Dobson, he is gay with an unnatural fixation for James Dobson.
• Tell your son you are going outside to play ball and wrestle alligators. Then shove your son to the ground repeatedly and say, “Whassamatta, crybaby? Gonna cry? Gonna cry?” If he cries he is a great big pussy and therefore gay. If he “takes it like a man” he’s still gay, but one of those butch tough-guy gays, like a “bear” or a “top.”
• Dunk your son into a deep pool of water. If he floats to the top, he is full of buoyant gaymotrons (identified by physicists as the gay particle) and therefore gay. If he sinks to the bottom and drowns, he is a poor swimmer and unathletic and therefore gay. If he begins to sink and then just sorta hangs there, the water is gay.
• Starve a large wolf cub for two days and have it wrestle your son. If he loses to the wolf, he’s gay – it was only a wolf cub! If he beats the wolf, he is a lesbian. If he is beaten mercilessly by the wolf while apologizing for its economic agenda, he is a Log Cabin Republican. If he is bitten by the wolf, he is now a werewolf. Shoot him with a silver bullet before the rising of the next full moon.

and we’ll get a three bedroom house

a three bedroom house

with a concrete shelter

ten feet underground! 

AUTHOR TALKS

Sue Hyde and Lisa Keen – Tuesday, June 19, at 6 p.m. in Rabb Lecture Hall (Ext. 2212) Sue Hyde, author of Come Out and Win, and Lisa Keen, author of Outlaw, discuss Beacon Press’s Queer Action/ Queer Ideas Series. Panelists will include Lee Swislow, Executive Director, Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders; Diego Sanchez, Transgender Activist and Communications Director, AIDS Action Committee; Aliza Shapiro; Drag King Heywood Wakefield, Impresario and Director of Truth Serum Productions; and Jeremy P. Hayes, Assistant Director, Office of Diversity Services, Suffolk University.

yeah, i guess i’ll keep him.

ann rice
babies
carrots
dogs
esophagus (, liam’s)
foreign exchange students
gonnorhea
houses
interstate highways
jujyfruits
konstantine
lemurs
martha stewart
nipple clamps
osiris
pimps
quarks
rastafarians
silicone
tantra
unicorns
vulva
werewolves
xena, warrior princess
yanni
zipper (being unzipped)